Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Leafs Ranked a 'Sell'

For those not familiar with hockey coverage south of the border, John Buccigross is one of the more colourful hockey analysts for ESPN. He usually has an interesting take on things, but as per what I can only imagine are ESPN guidelines, makes a habit of drawing lame cultural comparisons between what happens on the ice and, say, Justin Timberlake... bizarre.

Anywho, he has ranked the 30 teams in the league as 'BUY' or 'SELL'. In case you missed the title (in which case I point you to a great website I found ^), John has ranked the Leafs ^ a 'SELL'.

His reason? He has a 'bad vibe' about them. A bad vibe? As in, his arthritic knee acts up when he is watching the Leafs? C'mon John, surely in that mind full of the latest Paris Hilton/Lindsey Lohan intrigues, you must have a reason... shaky goaltending, taking nights off, lack of finish, weak D... see how easy it is?

Maybe I'm wrong though. Heck, Al Strachan makes a good living penning nothing but pure fantasy for the Sun, so maybe all a well-paid sports writer needs these days is a 'funny feeling' about something.

I get funny feelings all the time... like when I look at an attractive woman wearing a Sens jersey ^... pure confusion, of the 'turn-your-head-crooked-like-a-confused-dog' type. Hey, I may yet have a future in sports broadcasting! If Buccigross can rate teams based on his 'vibe', then surely the magic eight ball ^ can be trusted, no?

Here are my Buccigross-esque BUYS, SELLS & HOLDS for the Northeast division, year-to-date (in order of distance from my kitchen, which none of these teams have ever been in):

Buffalo: They look good early, great killer instinct and comeback abilities. Injuries are starting to mount. The magic eight ball says, "Outcome Unclear". I guess it is a HOLD.

Ottawa: Weak start, Redden, Alfredsson, Fischer, Gerber, etc, etc look brutal Spezza is at his defensive worst, and Heatley is looking more and more like a one-trick pony, completely dependant on others to feed him for goals. Magic eight ball says, "Ehhh... Could be". SELL.

Montreal: Problems scoring will emerge, especially with Higgins out for 6-8 weeks, can strong goaltending keep them afloat if they are only scoring two or three goals a game? Magic eight ball says, "If you're lucky". I am lucky, and good looking (at least my Mom tells me so), so the Habs get a BUY.

Boston: Chara and Savard don't appear to be enough to push this lot over the hump, but if Boyes, Bergeron and Sturm return to form, they won't have any problems scoring. The main problem will be keeping the pucks out of their own net, due to their shallow defence corp and league-worst goaltending. Magic eight ball says, "Don't you already kind of know?". Too true my friend, too true. Bruins are a SELL.

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